November 26th, 2013

crossed heart

the creeping monkeys of doubt

Originally published at Cassie Alexander. You can comment here or there.

Up to 12k in my new writing project. I still like it so much, which is so weird for me, that I’m meta-doubting myself. I can’t doubt the project so I’ve started doubting the veracity of me actually liking it.

Sometimes I really wish I could just get my brain to cool it, heh.

It doesn’t help that this is my most ambitious project ever, or that I think it has mass market appeal or that it actually might make a difference in people’s lives.

That’s right — if you ever asked me this in person, I’d straight up lie and pretend what I do is entertainment for entertainment’s sake, but no. I actually look around at the world a lot and want to change things for the better and try to empower people about stuff and things. This book is my best chance at that. I want to give people hope, in the future, and in themselves.

The last time I felt like this about a project I wrote a glamorous proposal for it and it went no where. But this book I’m finishing, hell or high water, and either it’ll sell, or I’ll put it out there myself. I believe in it like I’ve believed in nothing I’ve ever written before. Which is why writing it is so frightening.

Luckily I’ve got a doubt monkey killing boomstick nearby. And I’ll go to work for a few days over the holidays here and I’ll get over myself and my awkward ‘you-can-change-the-world’ pretensions and come back ready to write even more.