November 22nd, 2011

crossed heart

Breaking Dawn/s

Originally published at Cassie Alexander. You can comment here or there.

1 AM, we meet again.

Work this past weekend was like working at The Kingdom, I swear. Exhausting, freaky-weird, and super sad all at once. Got up early today to go downtown and buy some Christmas pressies (always fun!) and then saw Breaking Dawn with a girlfriend. Not my usual movie-going girlfriend, but another one, who confessed her loving the Twilight series to me after Eclipse came out -- after she'd dragged her husband to the first three movies. I'd seen them mostly by accident and attrition. So we conspired to go see this one for reals, shame free.

She liked the source books -- I'd only read the first one, and signed off on the series after there was a climactic battle that Bella was unconscious for, that when she woke the vampires told her "Oh, we handled it," without them telling her what that meant. I don't like my protags to not be fighters. (Hence me looking forward to the Hunger Games film! :D)

I actually liked the first three films. Don't tell anyone, but I possess a mushy streak as wide as the day is long, and can appreciate shirtless men with the best of them. The whole time there was the tent scene in Eclipse, I was all, "KISS HIM. KISS HIM NOW." Because in my pervy-shipping heart of hearts, I'm yaoi as all get out.

(There will be spoilers. This is about the movie only. This is not a "reasons why the books are destroying America" review. I haven't read them, and I get loving the bad guy. I had a crush on Raistlin before Raistlin was cool. I read VC Andrews at a tender age. At least Edward is not also Bella's brother.)

But...this one went off the rails a bit. Maybe it's my lack of familiarity with the source material, but it had a ton of rough patches. Starting with the lighthearted theme music that's playing as Edward admits he used to kill people. (And how grand that the people he killed were all murderers. We'll come back to this -- ) There were several scenes where I laughed for real because I was supposed to -- and then scenes that were so bad I had to stop myself from laughing out loud at the silly. The telepathic wolf scenes. The birth scene in particular. What...the...fuck. Knowing ahead of time what was going to happen did not make that any better. And the, "let's spend five minutes looking at the baby while my wife bleeds out."

And I freaking loved (sarcasm) the CSI scenes of Bella becoming a vampire. WHAT. What. Really. Do people have no imaginations that you have to show that? How the fuck is venom (?) splashing around inside of her? There's other things inside of you. Nothing splashes, except for in your stomach. Certainly not along your vertebrae.

The imprinting thing was oddly tasteful, considering the rest of the over-the-topness of everything else. Also considering that it's crazyass pedophilia. (That's my one and only soapbox. Having gotten it out, I will now put it away.)

I think my big problem with it, and this I suspect is inherent in the source material, is that the vampires are monsters but they're not monsters. They're all sort of toothless, which is odd for people showing so much fang. They only kill people who deserved it, no one goes off on real rampages -- I have the feeling that even if they did go on a blood lust thing, they'd drain you dry and then apologize afterwards. And feel bad about it. Add to that that I don't really have any sense of danger -- even during the final battle when things look rough, you know no one is going to die. No one important has died so far, actually and I'll be really surprised if that changes next book. (If I were writing them, the only reason people would have five kids would not be so that there could be two couples and a free kid -- it'd be so I could kill half of them off.)

As much as I like romance and the possibility of boy on boy sex, (and boy do i hesitate to write that there, because I know the searches it will bring :P), I prefer genuine menace and violence more. Hopefully the next movie will have some of that. I assume that's what the Volturi flashback was about at least.

Anyhow. Back to sleep tonight. I slept on my breaks at work these past few nights -- I love how to take a break from writing I go to my other job , heh -- and am now going to bed early tonight to schedule flip some for Thanksgiving. (Which I don't have off. I just need to be awake to eat, and then nap, and then work again.) Tomorrow thru prolly Dec 1st is Project M time, and then back to Shapeshifted until it's done. I feel much better overall having gotten Moonshifted off of my plate. Two looming things I can deal with, three not so much.