October 12th, 2011

crossed heart

back to Shapeshifted — and thyroid stuff

Originally published at Cassie Alexander. You can comment here or there.

So I'm back working on Shapeshifted again, after a ton of work-work this past weekend. I did 2500 words this morning, and I think I'm going to crash out, and work really hard tomorrow on getting more words down. I'd like to hit 3k tomorrow, and 4k's a possibility -- the benefit of taking a few days off is that I actually know what I'm writing now, hoozah ;).

I've talked about my thyroid stuff in the past. It's getting bad again now. (Which is another reason I'm going to bed before midnight tonight.) I'm going to a endocrinologist finally and they're going to do an MRI of my brain to make sure it's normal. (As normal as it gets in there, for me.) I'm worried about everything that happened the last time to be before my thyroid got diagnosed -- the huge depression, the temper, the continual fatigue -- and really frustrated that I'm going down this path again, and how slowly the wheels are turning. Basically my current meds aren't cutting it. At least I have something to pin it on now though, as opposed to, "Gee, I feel rageful and sleepy, at the same time, all the time." My husband and I had a big talk tonight about it, just so it's all out in the open. He, also, would like me to not go insane again, heh.

My GP was managing my care prior to this. It wasn't perfect, but I could talk to him at least, he's a really good guy. He was the one that figured out it was thyroid stuff to begin with, and not just psych issues, when I began to crash badly back in 2008. I told him if I didn't like what the endocrinologist had to say, I'd be coming back, and he agreed with that.

It's just that I read a lot of thyroid forums, where a lot of women's symptoms are discounted by doctors who patient-blame  -- you should exercise! sleep more! drink coffee! don't drink coffee! -- or who rely solely on labwork and outdated laboratory ranges. I have labwork in my favor (yo, a TSH of 7, sheesh) but if whomever this new guy is doesn't want to treat things aggressively, based on my symptoms -- or worse yet, he wants me to start on lower doses of my meds for labwork's sake "just to see" -- I will lose my mind. I'm not in a situation now where I can slow down, mentally or physically. Plus, I'm already angry about stuff, to boot :P. It's very hard for me not to be short fuse mcgee. I'm having to be very conscious of that element of myself.

In other cheerful news, my car died this AM. Apparently its my wiring harness, and it's gonna cost $1300 to fix. Grump. In sort of actually cheerful news, my dealer gave me a free Prius to tool around in. I've had fantastic luck with rental cars recently, which isn't a super power that I want to have, it being a pain in the ass to exercise, but hey. I make lemonade where I can.

I'm going to try to race to the end of Shapeshifted this month. I'm at 53k, and I might not make it because of World Fantasy coming up, but it's a good goal to have.  Come November, everything's going to be a race to the finish -- Moonshifted edits when I get them, and Shapeshifted draft finishing, both.