October 6th, 2011

crossed heart

talking to the universe

Originally published at Cassie Alexander. You can comment here or there.

So, yeah, about last night.

I was pretty low. My personal deadline for getting revs of Project M to my agent was Friday, due to illness I was hopelessly behind, and the voice of that character wasn't cooperating. The more behind I get on one thing, the more behind I am on ALL THINGS, so there's good reason to panic, but the panic wasn't helping all that much.

I freaked out solo for a bit, and then I started bugging friends. Most notably, Blake Charlton, who I got permission to quote from here:

me: i'm having a crisis of confidence, B. annnnnnnnnnnnd you just went idle. that's either a message from the universe to get my own act together, sans friends. or a message telling me that my crisis is still crisisy.

Blake: CASSIE
THIS IS THE UNIVERSE

FUCK THAT CRISIS NOISE
LET'S KICK SOME ASS
SINCERELY,
-EVERYTHING

me: thanks B
Blake: ANY TIME, DOOD

me: seriously, if i didn't love you already, that would be the tipping point, lol.
I was out with stomach flu for 4 days
and wanted to turn this proposal into my agent by Friday
which isn't going to happen
but I don't know if i can do it....in the next 3 days, or even at all
i'm feeling a little pressure cookered.
and I'd like to take a vacation from it all that doesn't involve puking.
seeing as my days off, weren't, really

Blake: cool
just be cool
wait
don't do anything

me: in an actual sense, or in a zen sense?

Blake: CASSIE,
THIS IS THE UNIVERSE AGAIN
HI

me: hi, universe

Blake: I WANT YOU TO DO NOTHING IN BOTH AN ACTUAL AND A ZEN SENSE.
OKAY?
THANKS
-ALL OF SPACE-TIME

After that, we discussed possible times for destressing with hang out and tea. And after that, I emailed my agent and said, sorry, no can do, and I sent what little I had done over to Daniel.

Daniel ixnayed it, but in a caring, "No, and you can do better than this," way. Which also made me feel less alone. So I logged out for the night, and went to bed early, and got up freakishly early today, and lo and behold my agent emailed me with complete understanding like I knew she would but it was still nice to see and have in a convenient rereadable format as a ward against my next freaking out.

Today I fielded an important phone call, and then came up north to my inlaws where I  put in some pleasant hangout time and rewrote the very beginning of things again, and sent it off to Daniel right before dinner. Halfway through dinner, I snuck to the bathroom to check my email and ta-dah! Now on the right track.

So tonight after everyone went to sleep I rewrote the first 5k (out of a probable 15) and I actually really like it. Thannnnnnnnnnk goodness. I'm glad I emailed to give up on that deadline -- and I'm glad I asked the universe (and friends) for help.