June 10th, 2011

crossed heart

more of everything — book, sanity, tattoos

Originally published at Cassie Alexander. You can comment here or there.

Today was a very long day. I started off with a therapy appointment this AM. (I mention these things not to brag yo i have a therapist, but to make people more aware that therapists are awesome, and if you can afford/health insurance one up, it's a great idea.) She's awesome because she's been with me since my mopey summer last year, where no agents loved me, and every time I went in we just talked about my perception of myself as a writer with only the recognition of my mom. (Not that grim, no, but i feel like some hyberbole.) It's been nice to share my recent successes with her because she knows where I've been. Anyhow. A lot of my self identity revolves around being the underdog. On the off chance my books are successful it's going to be quite an adjustment. I have a easy time thinking of all the reasons why they could go to hell in a handbasket, i'm not very well prepared for (even the remotest possibility) of success.

Towards that end, she wants me to email myself a note that says I'm successful, just to get used to thinking about the idea. (It will live next to the "A note to future Cassie written while happy about the book sale" in my inbox.) It feels very cheesy to do, but why not? She's given me a ton of other useful coping skills along the way.

I drove home and went out to get tattooed. My wings are alllllmost done now. I have a one hour appointment scheduled in July, which'll basically be just to touch up whatever didn't heal just right this last time around. It hurt so much less than all the other sessions so far -- i can completely recommend, for the faint of heart, getting a tattoo on the meat of your butt. The sacrum and the hip are bullshit, but inside the spanking zone is A-OK.

Crashed out for awhile after that (3 hrs of trying not to run away will do that to you) and then got up to work on the book. I was hoping I could push through to the end tonight, but instead that'll have to happen tomorrow. I got very close though, but I need to rewrite/rework a big chunk, and I'm fading. The book and the ending do not feel as shiny tonight as they did last night. Could be because all my endorphins are gone, could be because I'm right. But what the hey -- maybe I'll be successfuller tomorrow.